When was the last time you experienced a tough feeling? Maybe a feeling of disappointment, discouragement, doubt, loneliness, anxiety, or depression?

What did you do about it when you felt it?

Did you try to chase it away, cheer yourself up, calm yourself down, or distract yourself from it?

I’ve tried all these strategies, and so much more, when I’ve experienced tough emotions in the past. However, the peculiar thing about many of these strategies is that most of the time they actually made the feeling worse in the long run, or they had no effect whatsoever.

This was especially true in regard to my experiences with anxiety and OCD, which I’ve dealt with for most of my life. It seems as though every time I tried to control or decrease my feelings of anxiety, the feelings only ended up being amplified down the road.

All these experiences, mixed with some helpful tips from mental health coaches and trained therapists, have led me to completely reevaluate my approach to dealing with tough emotions.

This reevaluation led me to a peculiar answer.

What if I told you the answer I’ve found doesn’t reside in trying to make these feelings go away, or trying to control them? In fact, the answer I found was quite the opposite.

More than anything, I’ve learned that I can experience tough emotions completely and fully as they are, without trying to change them or push them away. I’ve learned that as humans we’re supposed to have these challenging emotions, and experiencing them doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Sure, they may not always be comfortable to experience, but that doesn’t mean they need to be judged and labeled as “bad feelings” that need to be exterminated.

Furthermore, I noticed that the experience of avoiding and trying to control challenging feelings is usually more uncomfortable than simply experiencing the feelings as they are.

With that being said, it’s time to put down our weapons and embrace the feelings we experience. There’s no need to fight them, and even if you do fight feelings, you will never win. Feelings will win EVERY SINGLE TIME.

So next time you encounter a tough emotion, instead of reacting to it and trying to control it, accept it for what it is and really feel it. Then carry on to do the things your best self would do, despite how you feel. I’ve learned that even when we experience the most powerful emotions, we can still choose where our focus and actions will be directed next. So make the choice, and choose to do what you really care about in that moment instead of wasting time attempting to control feelings.

Keep in mind this is coming from someone who has previously been a slave to the emotions associated with anxiety and OCD, and I can positively tell you there will always be a choice about where you direct your attention and energy, regardless of how you feel. I will also tell you that consistently making the choice to put your focus on your values and actions instead of your feelings is much easier said than done. It takes a lot of practice.

Start practicing!